Lydia does not have many marvellous things to write about in comparison with other countries, except for the gold dust that is carried down from Mount Tmolus.
- Herodotus, The History, 1.93
http://www.fleur-de-coin.com/articles/oldestcoin.asp
As I recline, hopefully recuperating, my mind has turned to indulgences, and my selling therein of. For those of you late to St Flamingo Dancer flock, my New Year’s intention is to bestow upon myself sainthood. I am so wonderful, already a goddess, that it is a natural extension of my fabulosity.
I am also in it for the money. I shall sell indulgences. Not the kind of indulgence that gets you a good after life, or anything of that nature, for that side of the market is already taken. No, I shall sell indulgences that perpetuates happiness in this world, and revenge upon those who wrong against my “clients”.
I thought about what currency I should use, and thought about the Electrum Stater Of Miletos or the tripodes", "axes" or "skewers" of the pre-Numismatic Age, but eventually I arrived at the conclusion that Herodotus, sometimes, was right and so I shall use gold dust as my currency of exchange.
So I am thinking of setting the base rate of 14 grams of gold dust per smiting of employers, mothers in law and generally anyone who gets in your way in the supermarket. I set a lower price for smiting as I gain a certain large degree of pleasure from it myself!
28 grams of gold dust for the general sending of plagues and boils upon the person who annoys from the neighboring work cubicle, former university friends who now have 1. better jobs, 2. more money, 3. beautiful partners, or 4. has had cosmetic surgery though pretends otherwise.
32 grams will get you traffic free highways on the commute to work, no waiting in line for doctors, at banks, government departments, or checkouts, and wait, there’s more - no grey hair. In the case of the gentleman, you will be granted hair that remains on your head and never on your ears, but it may be grey. 32 grams of gold dust only goes so far!
The big stuff, a gold bar, will get you three wishes, as long as you remember your place and don’t expect to rise above me, as my fabulosity will not be undone!
Other indulgences upon request. Price non negotiable, no guarantees or warranties. Non returnable. Responsibility and risk upon the requester.
An indulgence, in Catholic Theology, is the full or partial remission of temporal punishment due for sins which have already been forgiven. The indulgence is granted by the church after the sinner has confessed and received absolution. The belief is that indulgences draw on the Treasure House of Merit accumulated by Jesus' sacrifice and the virtues and penances of the saints. They are granted for specific good works and prayers.
Indulgences replaced the severe penances of the early Church. More exactly, they replaced the shortening of those penances that was allowed at the intercession of those imprisoned and those awaiting martyrdom for the faith.
Abuses in granting indulgences were a major point of contention when Martin Luther initiated the Protestant Reformation (1517).